1. Disorganization increases conflict. I have personally witnessed arguments over piles of paper and "stuff," disagreement over the use of a space, and anger over excessive shopping. Conflict and frustration also surround lost items, wasted money, and wasted time. Conflict is not conducive to intimacy!
2. Physical clutter in the bedroom, even on the bed, may literally be in the way. I have seen some bedrooms that would be difficult to sleep in, much less, well… you know. If clutter is overtaking the flat surfaces in your room, it may be impairing your ability to enjoy the space. Enough said. 😉
3. Clutter in the bedroom reminds you of other parts of your life that might be stressful. Piles of laundry, piles of work materials, kids' toys, paperwork, and other similar stressful clutter means that you are reminded of those things constantly as you look around. You also wake up to that every day and are instantly reminded again of the undone work and cleaning demands. It's not very romantic to look around you and see your unfinished stack of employee reviews, your husband's unfolded underwear, and some Dora the Explorer toys, and then step on a few Barbies or Bratz dolls on your way to the bathroom. Imagine a relaxing space that is just for the two of you… a place of rest and renewal that is an oasis from your daily stress.
4. Clutter steals your time and energy– time and energy you could be spending on your relationship. As I say in my book, all clutter is ultimately just delayed decisions and delayed actions. It's very much about procrastination. Deciding where to keep it, whether to keep it, what to do to dispose of it, etc. It saps your time away every day, little by little. Each item is something that individually pulls on you and drains your energy until you decide what to do with it and then take action. Imagine having all of that time and energy back– reclaimed– to spend on your partner! We're talking about some serious sparks!
Has clutter affected your relationship? Does one of you have a disorganization problem that has spilled over into your intimate time? Have you successfully solved this and want to share your tips? DO TELL–in the comments!
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Agreed. If you want a good, hassle-free sex life, you should at least keep your bedroom tidy. That way there’s nothing to get in the way of love.
I don’t think that clutter improves anything, so it only stands to reason that it probably wouldn’t help sex, either!
This is so true! Not to mention the constant arguements. It affects all areas of your life. It’s just stressful to live in clutter.
It is so worth it to get yourself on an easy system to keep your home clean. It works far better than anti-depressants. I swear by it!
I’m working on that! Put away summer clothes (which were piled in the corner on the floor), and got out the fall ones and put them away, dusted, etc…and it looks like a new room! Now, I’m going to work on the rest of my home, little at a time. I just bought your book, and though I’ve yet to sit down and really read it…I’m finally motivated. I’m tired of living in chaos, and it has just recently really begun to get on my nerves, so it’s way past due to clean out and clean up!
My wife has mentioned every one of the above reasons already. I have collected 45 years of papers in my 30 years of marriage. My family states that my paper piles are the result of a hoarding sickness. Maybe they will send out invites to the bonfire I have been told will be organized with my paper piles when I am gone. Hell, you all should be able to see the glow from where you are.
You are right! We like everything organized but when we do remodeling and things have to be cluttered for awhile, we always keep our bedroom free of anything that does not belong in there. Easier to keep your mind on your marriage intimacy when your bedroom looks nice.
Im with you Lorie on this one. If my enviroment is clutter my mind is not settled for anything, let alone bedroom activities. Our bedroom is usually the best kept room in the house, my little oasis. Fun blog post.
Genny
http://www.connectionsforwomen.com
Geoff, why not light up (and lighten up) the bonfire now with your family and friends? That way you can all celebrate your victory together!
Excellent post, Lorie. Putting a few new twists on the “why” question is always motivating. What got me was the one about clutter distracting us from the matter at hand. Guilty! In fact, I often use the “put it out so I’ll remember to do it” strategy, and then, as your post concluded, procrastinate still, contenting myself (?) with feeling guilty about it. I don’t want to throw it out or put it out of sight, I just want to DO it. Maybe I’ll set aside some time each day for my “just do it” projects. Sheesh! Why have I been making it so hard on myself!
I agree, After our wedding I moved into my husband’s house he had been living in for about 12 years. The bedroom was a complete mess. He had the dresser drawers full of papers and and closet full of clothes he doesn’t wear. The clothes he does wear are stacked on the floor, He told me that he would clean this up, but that has been over 4 years ago and he still hasn’t touched it
I guess a great way to tell if you can get rid of things is to put it in a box and if i dont use it in 6 months it is out the door.Thats what i do.
I am a minimalist – it saves so much time when you move to a new place!
Kathy: I feel you! 😀 My husband was in this house almost a decade before I moved in & after 3yrs, I’ve just started to feel we have some kind of handle on household routines & how stuff is stored/ maintained/ utilized. What has been helpful over the past months is to engage him in questions of what he’d like to see happening in our space & what small changes we could make to get closer to what he’d like to see. That way, he doesn’t feel “mommed” to death & I don’t get (as) stuck with making(as much of) the majority effort. After all, we ARE in this together, even when it doesn’t feel like it! 😀
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the awesome work Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
What is this clutter thing, I dont get it? do you mind email me the concept of clutter. Ty
athy: I feel you! 😀 My husband was in this house almost a decade before I moved in & after 3yrs, I’ve just started to feel we have some kind of handle on household routines & how stuff is stored/