Notice they didn't care at all about the stuff he bought recently at the store, the papers that came in the mail in the last few months, or the other things we would call clutter. What mattered were the special things that represented him and their time together– the FEW special things.
So why is some of that kind of stuff, that clutter, so important to you? What are the FEW things that someone might associate with you? What items would your family consider representative and special about you after you pass? Sorry to be morbid, but you could get hit by the proverbial bus even if you are young and healthy. It's a thought that can be considered from time-to-time to bring perspective.
The key word here is FEW… almost anything can have a sentimental meaning attached to it, but what are the highest priority belongings that truly capture your essence and your memories? I once had a client who was afraid to throw away the brown paper liners from a box of chocolates that was from an anniversary years ago… I am not talking about that kind of sentimentality.
When you go, your family definitely doesn't want to be left with a burden of a houseful of other stuff that doesn't matter. I once worked for a family of someone who passed away and they hired our team to deal with the dozens of bags of trash that resulted from just the office… the collections of plastic bags and glass jars and string… the ancient files… and the old clothes and excessive magazines. The job was very difficult and emotionally challenging. If you are facing this situation yourself, definitely focus on the few things that mean the most, and let go.
Let's allow this sad occasion for my friend's family to remind us all of what really matters in our own lives. Celebrate life and energy and vibrance in your life today by ridding yourself of what's keeping you stuck! If you need help, our expert team is available online, 7 days a week, for about the price of a pizza…find out how we've helped thousands of people in 18 countries to lose clutter, gain time, and reduce stress.
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Oh yes, this is so very true. My family recently went through this with both of my grandparents – 95+ years of an interesting, varied and creative life had left their (large) home stuffed with memorabilia, antiques, and assorted treasures (and some junk). My mother had quite a job sorting through it all and responsibly dispersing their belongings, all while dealing with her own sadnesss. At their ages, they had pared down quite a bit but it was still overwhelming. Thanks for the reminder.
I agree. My mother, who is still alive, was in a terrible car accident. As a result, she could no longer work, and had to move to a retirement home. Because she was in rehabilitation, and basically incapacitated for a few months, my sister and I had to move her belongings into storage, and locate a new, much smaller place for her to live. We both took 6 days off to do so, and hired packers and movers. Unfortunately, her home was so filled with things that we were forced to make many, many difficult decisions about what would be important to her, and what she would need. She made a list of items that she wanted us to be sure to keep for her, but in the midst of the magazines, plastic containers, papers, and QVC shipping boxes (some full, and others empty), we could not find all of the items she wanted. She claimed to know right where they were located, and tried her best to tell us where to find them. When she was able to get around again, she was very angry with my sister and I for years for keeping too much “junk”, and not saving the things that were important to her. She is still resentful 6 years later. So, you see, even if the proverbial bus does not kill you, having too much can create a problem for the entire family.
As a side note, my sister’s in-laws saw what we went through, and took the opportunity to decrease their belongings by more than 50%! They also clearly labeled every box and bin they had in their closets and storage area. They did not want to put their family through that kind of stress!
very thought provoking post Lorie!
I have seen ppl store junk and turn relatives away in times of need due to lack of space for guests.
I think behind the collecting-clutter habit is a mindset. some of which is below
1. Excessive love of this world. We are in love of things. Due to the commercialization we have started worshiping what the eyes can see. Once reading a de-cluttering self-help book I read : “Empty spaces give out energy”. It made me yearn for empty spaces and I donated all extra stuff. I have gained a lot of empty corners and wardrobes and it has taken tons of burden off my mind.
But to be able to do that one needs to get over the love for things and develop a love for something else.
2. Inability to differentiate between needs and wants: We spend a lot of time on wants so that real needs start to suffer, like real need is to socialize but due to want of things and resulting dysfunctional homes and we can’t invite ppl over a lot of times.
3. Thinking that: what if I need this tomorrow. The cure for this is a concept in arabic “Tawakal”. the loose meaning of that would be to trust God completely for our today and tomorrows needs. To know that only God knows about all our needs and wants; and He Loves us and Provides for us. It is mindset not to trust what we are holding in our hands.
And further to believe that if I donate this today, tomorrow,if needed, someone will give it to me. If I don’t need it tomorrow then I’ll need it on the Day of Judgment for sure in the form of rewards to enter Paradise.
There was a companion of the Prophet Mohammad (SAW) and once he donated all his furniture to someone in need. A friend visited him and asked: where is your furniture? He said I have another house (he meant in Paradise) and I have moved the furniture to over there.
Tawakal is a vast concept. It has many levels and it comes with practice but is extremely rewarding.
Prophet (SAW) said: live in this world like a tourist or a traveler.
if we can cure our hearts from greed and materialism, learn to enjoy and be satisfied with fewer things and learn to live and eat simply we end up with fewer things and more time and peace.
we can just say to ourselves: All these things that collect dust are not worth our time and energy. After all life is like an ice cream that is melting away
Beth, thank you for sharing that. It is my hope that everyone can learn from each other’s experiences without having to go through something like that… the experience I had with my clients and the one you had with your mother is something that should give everyone pause, about their own households and those of their parents currently. So sorry that happened to you! But maybe it can prevent someone else from the same. – Lorie